I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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