After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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