What did we do last night that was yellow?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
