i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
