so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize