i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
