Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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