Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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