I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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