All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I will die if light touches me.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
