And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
