you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
