I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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