Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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