Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He? As in you personified your dick?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
