Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
