You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
