Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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