I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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