im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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