So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
