my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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