Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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