Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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