Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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