I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
