i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
