I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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