Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
