I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
