Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
