with your own penis?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
