a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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