it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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