Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
