I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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