i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
