Are we in a gay sports bar?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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