Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
