Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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