yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Small penises have feelings too.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
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