There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
