I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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