You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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