I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
