the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
