tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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