her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
