I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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