laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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