I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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