so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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