When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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