I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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