Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
