Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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