you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
