And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
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But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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