if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
