we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
