this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
