Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
