arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
