Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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